It all started one late night watching horror movies with my daughter, London. We’ve always shared a love for monsters, mayhem, and everything that goes bump in the night, she was practically born in a pumpkin patch, I mean only days before Halloween so you could say its runs in the family. Somewhere between the jump scares and the bad decisions, we started joking: Why hasn’t anyone written a real survival guide for horror movies? You know, something to help the poor souls who always trip at the worst possible time.

So we decided to make one. The Horror Movie Survival Guide is our father-daughter passion project, a mix of humor, horror, and practical “advice” for surviving the impossible. It’s part love letter to the genre, part parody of its tropes, and 100% made for the fans who yell “Don’t go in there!” every single time.

With your help, we’re bringing this project to life as a beautifully designed, laugh-out-loud guide filled with artwork, survival tips, and nods to the movies we all secretly love to scream at.

Please Join us in creating The Horror Movie Survival Guide, because if we can’t save the characters on screen, at least we can teach the next generation not to split up when the lights go out.

This all came about because 


The Pitch That Could Save Your Life (Or At Least Your Dignity)

Tagline: Survive the movie. Mock the trope. Live to be boring.

You know the rules: don't split up, don't read the cursed book, don't wave at antlers on the highway. And yet... people keep doing all three while wearing flip-flops and saying "Hello? Is anyone there?"

How to Not Die in a Horror Movie is a fully illustrated, snark-heavy field guide that treats horror scenarios like the logistics problems they actually are and annotated by two unforgettable voices: The Aunt (patron saint of practical cowardice) and The Archivist (bureaucracy with a stamp and a permanent sigh).

Ten comprehensive chapters tackling every horror trope that's ever killed someone:

Horror movies kill people because audiences make terrible survival decisions. This manual fixes that by teaching you the most important skill in any horror scenario: being aggressively boring.

Heroes die. Final girls barely survive. Boring people live.

The Aunt speaks with the weary authority of someone who's seen every horror movie and taken notes. She sighs a lot, insists on proper footwear, and has strong opinions about casserole as a survival tool.

The Archivist files every incident with bureaucratic precision, stamping and cataloging humanity's horror movie failures with the enthusiasm of someone processing tax returns. Your survival is just another form to be properly filed.

Together, they've created the only horror survival guide that treats your potential death as both a statistical inevitability and a bureaucratic inconvenience.

We're not first-time creators. We have backup printers, realistic timelines, and a healthy respect for Murphy's Law (which states that if you can die in a horror movie, you probably will).

Printing delays? We proof early and have backup vendors. Component issues? We test every item before mass production. Scope creep? Stretch goals are modular, the core book ships regardless.

Q: Is this a real survival guide? A: Yes, in the way seatbelts are real. It's funny, but the checklists and drills actually work.

Q: Is there gore? A: Jokes over splatter. Implications over entrails. You can read this over lunch.

Q: Can I use this in tabletop games? A: Absolutely. The deck, door signs, and Black File are designed as gaming props. And we love TTRPGs and hope to expand to that in the future (shhh that's a secret)

Q: Will there be an audiobook? A: If we unlock it as a stretch goal. The Aunt has opinions about your posture.

Put on shoes. Back the project. Practice the Door Sprint. If you mock the goat mask, I'm writing your obituary on a sticky note. This manual will not make you a hero. It will not make you brave. It will make you boring, which means you'll live.