Well, not all dogs. It's not their fault. But when they suck, they suck.
Sometimes we bred dogs to have little quirks that mean, given the wrong influences, they fall down a dark path of crime.
Our pets are our whole world. Sometimes, they're our career, and our life's work. Once in a lifetime, we'll fall in love with a breed. And, then, just when we think we've found "the one," the perfect breed, some numbnuts in a PetSmart walks by with one they got from the Amish and let it bite kids and pee on motorized scooters. And, then, you're the one who gets dirty looks.
Sometimes, as much as you love your dog, you're just, so, so damn tired of dogs.
Everyone already makes fun of us for our breeds of choice. We all pick our teams and talk shit. So, let's get ahead of the curve and roast our very own dogs.
Not every dog is right for everyone, and the sooner we talk about it, the sooner we have dogs who never end up behind bars.
Wear your canine companion's worst side with pride: it's DOG CRIMES.
This is a set of 11 1.75" hard enamel pins featuring controversial, problematic, purebred dogs. Let's show our fellow fugitive enablers some tough love: do you know what YOUR dog is up to?
DOG CRIMES is participating in Doggust. Back 3 or more Doggust projects for a Sleep Paralysis Demon Akita 1" dyed pin.
It's a KEN'S PIN HUSTLE project, so return backers get rewarded for their loyalty. Back DOG CRIMES to claim your WITNESS INTIMIDATION AKITA pin - on the house!
Latest from the Creator
Ken Fiskorne
about 4 hours ago
FIVE DAYS UNTIL SURVEYS + PREORDERS CLOSE!
Good morning, criminals!
I didn't get as much done today as I would have liked. CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS needs a longer writeup, still, which I'll need to handle after work tomorrow. But, I'll poke you, it's been a week since the last update.
We're at a nice 88% completion, with an amazing 84% addon rate. Thank you! I went ahead and started DOG CRIMES' pin order this evening. We'll be getting pins started in a week or so. I am going to wait until we hit the 90% benchmark to get stickers in, since I tend to order more exact numbers for them.
You have 5 days left to fill out your DOG CRIMES survey, add more pins, or pick up a preorder. I'll be locking orders on the 20th. Failed payments will have until October 30th, or you're forfeiting any pledge rewards (and freebies).
Working an overnight event Saturday kicked my ass, and I've spent today getting and recovering from the seasonal shots. It's not all a waste of time: CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS' shop inventory is set up on the back-end, just missing photos. It's about damn time... but, I do need a couple more days to get the HUSTLE open again.
Thank you to any locals who made it out on Saturday and snagged your C3 pins. It was an amazing time, but I slept in till 2 PM yesterday and I still can't think straight. I need another day to not forget 2 pins on the order sheet I send to the new factory...
We'll check in a couple days before orders lock. I'll get a preorder store reminder out to you guys tomorrow after my morning shift. I hope you had a good weekend, and here's to temperatures dropping from here on out!
Go make sure your surveys are done! + TOP DOGS SO FAR
Good evening, criminals!
Not much to report, getting a lot of clerical stuff on CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS and shop inventory done this week.
We're sitting at 82% survey completion right now, which is decent, but definitely low for this stage in the game. If you're getting this email, make sure you picked your dogs (and dog accomplice re-offenders).
80% is usually considered a good margin to get accurate order numbers, but I prefer 85% - especially for stickers..
But, hey, 80% gives me enough to tell you guys what our top 5 pins ordered are. It's time for some fun numbers, to break up all the boring-ass technical and text heavy updates recently.
Disturbing the peace HOUNDS is our #1 pin, at 58 right now. That's... not what I expected! Do you all just have fond memories of hounds, or, just, vibe with the noisy chaos of these two? Either way, they have a nice lead on all the other dogs.
Our #2, the Impersonating an officer GERMAN SHEPHERD, is who I was figuring would take top spot. He's sitting at 49.
We have a tie for #3. These little bundles of joy were picked up by 33 backers, which is the age of most malteses I've ran into. This is the Gang violence LITTLE WHITE DOGS, and the Stalking BORDER COLLIE. I wonder which of them can rack up more blotter mentions in a week?
#4 is the Speeding GREYHOUND. Guess he still wasn't fast enough to get to #1. What a waste of a ticket and court appearance. Oh well, the Greyhound has 27 pins ordered.
Our Property damage PIT BULL is #5. Not surprising, these guys represent the majority of mixed breed and rescue dogs in my US customer base, and I don't doubt a lot of you guys have some door eating horror stories. He's got 23 pins going to criminal enablers around the world.
If you missed the campaign and wanna sway these numbers, the Preorder Store is still open. Normal surveys and preorders will both be open until September 20th.
As usual, if you're one of my 10 failed charges, you have until October 30th. This goes for both initial campaign pledges, and addons + shipping. You know the drill by now, get that fixed, or you forfeit your pledge - including any freebies.
I'm going to give things a little longer before I get the pin and sticker orders in, but, we have a very good idea of where we're sitting.
The quieter good news, is that, we will be remaking a few runs of CRITTER CRIMES' pins. I mentioned this a couple times, but, we did not have enough A grades to stock the HUSTLE for a few critters. Part of DOG CRIMES funds will be going to fixing this, and making sure I have enough retail stock for shows.
The Fox, Alligator and Sparkledog will be getting new runs with the new factory. Most importantly, the Dragon will be getting a completely corrected artwork, and all existing stock will be moved to B-grades.
There's some more technical shit about what's happening that I'll drop with CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS' next update, but, long story short, this is gonna be part of a slower process of moving all of my more popular designs to new factories so I can order them as needed.
Right now, knock on wood, we are possibly looking to be a little ahead of schedule. I won't jinx it like C3 and say when, but, if I can get an order in by the end of this month, we could have a refreshingly quick project. DOG CRIMES will have relatively few pins to grade and no combined shipping, so, once they're here, we're gonna have 'em out in under a month.
Thanks for dealing with the radio silence. Hope to have something new for you guys when we hit 85% surveys. If you're holding that up, go deal with it!
BORDER COLLIE UNLOCKED! + Cairn terriers up and ready
Good evening, criminals!
We've got a funny number on survey completion right now. Wanna go ruin it? Make sure yours is done!
It's happening: the BORDER COLLIE is unlocked and ready for backers.
Our little peeping pooch got his 27th preorder yesterday, so, he's joining the roster. The Stalking BORDER COLLIE is available as an addon for backers, as well as thru the Preorder Store.
Second, and last, for today, our Cairn terriers are fixed!
Thanks to a workaround I forgot I could even do, we have the Criminal mischief CAIRN TERRIERS as 1.75" pins and 2" stickers. Snag these little balls of steel wool as pledge items or addons if you want 'em! Thanks for bearing with it, and sorry for the mess.
Other than that, deadlines are the same. You guys are gonna want to make sure your credit cards on file are in good standing, go make sure you've got everything you want, and go peep the preorder store if you missed out.
I'm pivoting to getting the HUSTLE back up the rest of tonight and tomorrow, and hopefully we'll have that set soon. It's rainy and miserable out today, so there's no natural light to get good challenge coin photos.
It's gonna be another court day, hopefully the last, tomorrow. I'm hoping for some nice sun for a long drive, and for good weather when I get back to get pictures of C3 looking their best.
Smoke tests passed backer testing, so, it's time for surveys. All backers should have their DOG CRIMES survey, as of this morning.
We're already sitting at a nice 40% completion. Let's see how far we can get that by the end of tonight, yeah?
Our backer vote BORDER COLLIE is sitting at 16 of 25 purchases right now... if you want him, go get him! I'll only be making him if he does 25 sales or more. He's over halfway to his life goal of sitting in your house and staring at you. Go help him follow his dreams. I'm tired, lazy, and have to go write something a lot more comprehensive for CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS, so I'm going to copy and paste the dates to save from the last update.
Surveys will stay open until September 20th.
I want to get numbers to my factory in Mid September. I will probably call it and do some guesswork September 15th-20th.
Backers with failed charges will have until October 30th to fix this.
There are currently 14 backers with failed credit card charges. Is that you? We're rocking almost $900 of dropped cash - that's enough to make 3 runs of 50 pins. Go ahead and make sure your bank didn't decline a charge, your nightly Taco Bell didn't overdraft, or your credit card isn't expired.
SMOKE TESTS OUT! What that means, and where to report issues
Good afternoon, gang!
I told you we'd have stuff set early this week. "Ken, it's Wednesday, we're halfway done." Yeah, tough guy? I work food. I work Tuesday thru Saturday. I just started this slog. It's early for me. Can it.
We're cleared for surveys, so, smoke tests are out.
That means 5% of each backer tier is getting surveys early. Is that you? It might be - it's very likely that your survey went out just before you're getting this update.
Go open that up, and fill your survey out as normal. Pick what pins and stickers you'd like, confirm what addons you're getting, and toss your address in - you can always change these later.
You're not getting early access for free, though. Smoke test backers need to report:
Fully missing items
Missing options (i.e. can't find the German Shepherd pin or sticker)
Major typos or grammar errors that affect how you understand instructions
Incorrect shipping charges
Any other questions or concerns
If you see something that looks sketchy, email me at [email protected]. I'll be tossing $10 campaign credit to people who find survey-screwing problems.
Smoke test backers will do their thing until September 1st. Then, the rest of you readers will get your surveys.
There's a few of you guys who had card flops on that first charge. Is your credit card on file up-to-date? Go give it a look - make sure I can get your dogs to you! You'll be able to fix this either now, or when you get your survey.
We've got a whole new batch of dates for everybody to keep an eye on. Give this a read, I promise there's a picture in this update after this.
Preorders are now open on August 26th.
Surveys will go out to all backers on September 1st.
Surveys will stay open until September 20th.
I want to get numbers to my factory in Mid September. I will probably call it and do some guesswork September 15th-20th.
Backers with failed charges will have until October 30th to fix this. We're not gonna be as nice as we were on CHALLENGE COINS here - this is a smaller, faster-moving campaign, and I want these dogs made and on the run ASAP!
This is the KPH usual - get your DOG CRIMES stickers and pins, at campaign prices, at the same time as the backers. Have a hard time financially last month? Waiting on the final dog selection? No problem. You'll be able to do this until October 30th. Notice something in there? Yup... there's an unwelcome nuisance, staring right into your soul on the left.
The Stalking BORDER COLLIE vote pin is trying to sneak his way into the roster. Gross. He will be made if a total of 25 backers - both campaign, and preorder - snag him.
If you would like your DOG CRIMES order to come with some goodies, it's worth noting that the HUSTLE store will be open soon. You can request combined shipping with your DOG CRIMES pledge and save the cost of sending the one from my shop. I don't recommend grabbing other CRIMES pins there, though - you can add them at campaign prices thru the survey.
I'm hoping to have CHALLENGE COIN CRITTERS' retail stock up at some point in the next 2 weeks. So, keep an eye out for that in an update.
We'll check in when surveys are ready for everyone. Check for a smoke test, and enjoy the rest of your week!
