PetersenWlp

 I was born on the only Tuesday in history that felt like a Saturday, arriving with a full set of teeth and a pocket watch that ran backward, which is why I’ve always been punctual for things that haven’t happened yet. By the age of seven, I had grown so rapidly that I was hired by the town council to act as a temporary suspension bridge during the Great Flood of '82, a job I held until my shins got tired. I eventually made my fortune as a professional cloud wrangler, lassoing stray cumulonimbus formations to water the crops of drought-stricken farmers, though I lost it all in a high-stakes game of poker against a mirrored reflection of myself—a match that lasted four days and ended only when the reflection blinked first.